Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
