You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
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