what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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