well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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