New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
