that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
someone owes me an orgasm
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
