Don't make out with my wife yet
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
