I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
