He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
