She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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