It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
