I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
