Jerry, you need to find god
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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