Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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