My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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