he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
