I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You need a sexual gate keeper
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
