Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
