A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
