....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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