with your own penis?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
