Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
