At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
COCAINE IS GR8
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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