dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
