i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
