Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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