3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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