you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
