we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
