Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
