It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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