its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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