walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
