Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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