having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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