So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize