I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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