God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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