we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
