Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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