how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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