The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
