She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
