It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
