Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
