similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
