How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
