But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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