you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
