We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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