I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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