I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
