She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
