I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
