I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
