Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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