my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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