shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
