He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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