After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
