google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
