my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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