New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
A bitchslap is in order.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
