I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
