I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
