She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
