I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
